28 May 2013

A Note From Home...

Next time you're having one of those days when you need a note from home, here it is, ready and waiting.  Use in good health! ;-)

Why "A Note From Home"?  Last night's health episode is my own damn fault.  I mis-timed my meds b/c I forgot how late the Memorial Day concert + fireworks in the park runs.  The last two hours were !@£$%^*&{}.  I love fireworks and I love my friends, so I hung in there.  Plus, the great thing about fireworks is, with the roar of the happy crowd and the racket of the rockets, no-one will hear you scream.

Ironically, I feel GREAT today.  In the soft light and fresh hope of a new day, last night's pain seems like a dim, hazy nightmare.

But, all the work I'd scheduled for myself post-concert got ditched -- work I'd postponed once already due to disabling pain and blinding mind fog.  That's what I resent most about this "benign disease":  the interference and loss of momentum, especially when I have so much work I'm excited about, eager to accomplish, and want to do.

Back at Bev's house last night after our outing, I popped my pills.  Stupidly, I'd brought them to her house but then didn't take them to the park.  While waiting for the meds to kick in and my clothes to dry (don't ask), I curled up on the floor.  Bev's dog, Angel, snuggled up next to me.  Don't you love how dogs know when "their" people need comforting?

The point of all this rambling  While I was in the foetal position last night, rocking back and forth with pain and embarrassment and a whole tangled emotional flux, Bev said something in her characteristically loving but Oklahoma-frank way, "Will you stop lying there making light of this and cracking jokes about it!?!  Just stop trying so hard.  Damn, if you aren't the most aggravatingly driven individual I know.  You wear me out.  Here you are, all but crumpled into a paper ball and instead of just Being Sick, you're down there Waiting-For-The-Next-Thing-To-Happen."  She didn't mean to make me laugh -- it hurts like hell to laugh -- but she did.  Bev's right, spot on.

Entrepreneurs are driven people.  Or maybe, it's the reverse:  driven people become entrepreneurs.  Whatever the modus operandi,  as entrepreneurs, our life, destiny, income, the success of our clients, our very self-concept, all seem to hinge on being in constant forward motion -- getting things done, thinking about how to get things done, Waiting-For-The-Next-Thing-To-Happen.

Example:  when it looks to the rest of the world like I'm lolling about, relaxed and chillin', taking a smoke break on the patio at Starbucks and gazing at the sky, here's my internal dialogue, "Smoke break, check.  1/2 a ciggie, couple sips of coffee.  After this, you need to....  Check, check, check."  Even my Rest-&-Relaxation is a list of Things To Do.

Home at last, safe and dry, the pain dialed down to a dull and distant roar, I decided I needed "a note from home".  An official document to quell the Criticising Committees in my head and the Cranky Nags With Whom I Abide.  If it works for me, I hope it works for you, too.

Cut to the Chase  Cut yourself some slack, O Driven One!  The world will keep turning.  In fact, your world will be damn fine and dandy if you'll loosen your grip on it a skosh.  Success, Happiness, Serenity, and a Healthy Bank Balance cannot be wrested forth via a furious flurry of activity and top-gear driven-ness.  Until we allow ourselves deep, real, guilt-free rest and restoration, the checklist will always elude us, growing ever longer and more unattainable.

Get out, get away, and Get Javanated!

Artwork Source:  22 Squidoo, Natch ;-)


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